


It Had To Be You

by purplemonster



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15772821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplemonster/pseuds/purplemonster
Summary: Twenty years. One would think Jinyoung would fall out of love with his best friend by now but it’s been twenty years and he’s still hopelessly in love with Im Jaebum. Jinyoung knew he never had a chance though since Jaebum was straight. But it didn’t stop him from harboring such one sided love anyway.





	It Had To Be You

**Author's Note:**

> -Unbeta-ed. this was just supposed to be a quick drabble  
> \- ANGST. I had to do it.  
> \- I'm sorry.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

A round of applause and a chorus of  _ awwww  _ can be heard as Jaebum and his new wife kiss. Someone hoots. Laughter follows. Jaebum grins from ear to ear proudly as he looks at all the guests in the hall, hand tightly clasping his wife’s own.

Jinyoung looks at him from where he’s standing with neither a smile nor a frown on his face. He’s just… there. Just standing there. Looking but not entirely seeing anything in particular. He doesn’t hear anything either. Not even the sound of Bambam and Jackson squealing.

Mark leans into his side, a hand on his back. “We can get out of here now. You don’t have to see any more of this.”

Jinyoung then gives a smile. A small sad smile. “And what kind of best man would I be if I don’t stay for the party?”

Mark only nods in reply.

There’s music and lots of dancing afterward. Yugyeom is on the dancefloor, dragging Bambam and Jackson with him. Mark laughs along to their dance moves while Youngjae starts documenting the moment. Jinyoung shakes his head at their attempt to reel him to the dancefloor, chuckling as Jackson starts straddling him as if that would get him to join them. He has to hand it to his friends for still making him feel that second hand embarrassment even after all these years.

Bambam pulls Jaebum with them instead. Jaebum drops to the floor, giving his best b-boy performance but it only ends up in laughter as he pops two buttons of his suit. Jinyoung can’t help but laugh at that too.

They take a break. The dessert buffet calls out to them. A slow song comes on. Jaebum is left on the dancefloor with his wife as they sway to their first dance. Jaebum spins his wife around and kisses her. They’re so in love. He’s so in love. Jinyoung’s chest aches.

“I think I’m ready to go.” Jinyoung says to Mark, and the latter skips dessert for him as they leave.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jinyoung doesn’t know why he’s doing this. Why he  _ still  _ lets himself do this.

He’s in his favorite bar with a drink in hand waiting for Jaebum to arrive. Yes, he’s waiting for him. Because Jaebum called saying he wanted a night out and the only one available out of all six of them was him.

Twenty years. One would think Jinyoung would fall out of love with his best friend by now but it’s been twenty years and he’s still hopelessly in love with Im Jaebum. Jinyoung knew he never had a chance though since Jaebum was straight. But it didn’t stop him from harboring this one sided love anyway.

His friends call him a saint. All of them knows about Jinyoung’s love for Jaebum which they’ve all miraculously managed to keep. They’ve sort of retired from being a boy group now but they’re all still in the entertainment industry. Except for Youngjae who is living his dream of being a Music Therapist. They’re also still the best of friends which is why Jinyoung can’t have Jaebum know. Being his best friend first meant everything to him. His unrequited feelings can come last.

So he’s there on a Tuesday night at a bar they frequent during the weekends. Not a lot of fans can come in here. It’s private.

Jaebum enters after a few minutes and Jinyoung waves at him. He smiles and Jinyoung’s heart still skips at that. He slides in next to him on the bar and Jaebum orders a drink. Non-alcoholic. He drove.

“One week in and you’re calling me for a drink on a weeknight. Fighting with the missus already?” Jinyoung jokes. 

Jaebum chuckles. “She went out with her friends.”

“And you remembered me?” Jinyoung bats his eyes at him in jest.

“Of course.” Jaebum nudges his elbow at that. “You’re always the one I call first.”

Jinyoung takes a swig of his drink. Jaebum always says things that makes him hopeful even when he knows they don’t mean anything.

“Actually, Youngjae is also free but he’s in the middle of a game so.” Jaebum and Jinyoung laugh, already used to their friend ditching them for his hobbies. They don’t mind though.

They talk about work. They laugh about stuff. It’s easy to get along with Jaebum. Now. But it wasn’t always this way. They both got on each other’s nerves when they met back then. Jinyoung hated his guts and so did Jaebum. But that’s what teenagers do and in the industry where they’re competing against each other all the time. Arguing and fighting was just bound to happen between them

Jinyoung guesses that’s what made them best friends in the end. Because they went through so much shit and came out of it alive. Only that Jinyoung just depended on him a little more, got to know him a little bit more than the rest, that he fell in love with him.

Jaebum’s phone buzzes in the middle of his story about his cats. It’s his wife. His face instantly lights up as he sees her name flash on his screen which Jinyoung looks away from so he can finish his drink.

“Hi. Alright. No, stay put. I can pick you up. Yeah, I’ll be there in around ten minutes. Okay. I love you.” Jaebum looks at him after. “I have to go.”

Jinyoung waves him off. “Go. I’ll be fine.”

Jaebum’s brow wrinkle in worry. “Need a ride home? You didn’t drive here, did you?”

“I took a cab. And it’s fine, hyung.”

“Because I can drop you off. We’ll just have to pick her up on the way. It’s about a block from here.”

It takes two more rounds of convincing Jaebum that he’s fine and that he’s still coherent enough to go home on his own. 

“Thanks for tonight.” Jaebum squeezes his shoulder before he hops off his stool.

“Glad to know you haven’t forgotten me.” Jinyoung says, half in jest and half meaning it.

“Never.” Jaebum smiles.

Jinyoung only lets out a tired sigh he’s been holding back when he sees Jaebum walk out the door.

  
  


* * *

 

His friends pity him. Jinyoung doesn’t have to ask to know that’s what they’re thinking about him all the time. 

Mark on the other hand thinks he’s an idiot.

Youngjae laughs at that. “Only Mark hyung can call you that.”

They’re in the JYP building re-recording an old song to be released in one of the company’s throwback albums. It’s going to be a compilation of remix that JYP edited himself. They’re all waiting for their sound director to arrive. Jaebum is running a little late as well.

“I can too.” Yugyeom butts in. “Jinyoung hyung is an idiot.”

Jinyoung only has to take one good look at him and Yugyeom is cackling in glee and running to hide behind Bambam’s back.

“I’m fine.” Jinyoung says to them afterwards. “Really. You guys should stop worrying.” He knows they’ve all been tiptoeing around him. Like they’re all walking on eggshells. Ever since Jaebum broke the news he was getting married, all of them have been checking to see if Jinyoung was alright. Jinyoung thinks it’s really not a big deal now.

“You still look at him like this,” Jackson makes a puppy dog look that has Youngjae laughing again. Even Mark chuckles.

“I don’t do that.” Jinyoung argues back.

“You do. You really need to stop.” Jackson points out.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“That’s the problem. You have to do  _ something _ .”

Jinyoung sighs knowing what they mean. He’s been kind of adrift lately. He has projects but they’re all short term and not really enough to keep him busy. 

“What do you guys want me to do? Date?” He asks them.

“Ooooh, who’s Jinyoung dating?”

They all freeze as Jaebum enters. Jinyoung composes himself but he can swear he sees Youngjae and Bambam fidgeting around the couch nervously.

“No one.” Jinyoung answers. Years of acting experience has made him master pretending around Jaebum.

“Oh. Because if you’re up for it, I have a guy in mind.” Jaebum offers. “Someone who lives two floors down from us.”

Jackson gives a small cough making Jinyoung look at him. He sees his friend nodding, to take up the offer. But Jinyoung just shakes his head and smiles at Jaebum.

“No thanks. I’m not dating. I’m way too busy for that.” 

Jackson only rolls his eyes at him.

 

* * *

 

One month later, Mark asks him out on a date.

It’s really no surprise why. Mark used to have a thing for him back then and Jinyoung turned him down nicely. He always thought he got over it.

“We talked about this.” Jinyoung says to him in reply.”

“That was before Jaebum got married. It’s been six months now. Do you at least want to try?”

Jinyoung could. Mark is a nice guy. Handsome. Smart. A real gentleman too. This isn’t going to be like some date with awkward small talks or anything. This is Mark. But he’s also his friend which makes Jinyoung think about it even harder.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” Jinyoung nibbles on his bottom lip. Mark takes his hand and squeezes.

“Let’s just try.” Mark smiles. 

So they do.

They date. Mark takes him out to nice places with really good food. Jinyoung takes him to movies and museums. They go on trips. Mark doesn’t try anything rash. Neither does Jinyoung. They don’t kiss. They hold hands. They cuddle. They’ve done this before. It’s a safe territory for them and in this stage, it’s nice.

They date for two months. They haven’t seen the rest in that period so it’s just the two of them. It’s a refreshing change. Familiar but refreshing.

Bambam invites them all to the opening of his third cafe branch and Jinyoung and Mark decides maybe it’s time to tell everyone. That they’re dating. That they’re trying. But before they can, Jaebum bursts in the cafe and shares everyone the good news: he’s going to be a father.

Congratulations are shared around the table. Meanwhile, Jinyoung excuses himself as he heads to the bathroom. As soon as the door closes behind him, he throws up.

He heaves. Jinyoung watches the coffee he drank go down the toilet as he throws up everything he took that morning. His head hurts. So does his heart. He doesn’t know why everything inside of him hurts. He can’t stop throwing up and he only recognizes Mark rubbing his back a while later as he calms down.

“I’m sorry. We can’t… It’s really not you. It’s me.” Jinyoung says to him. He apologizes truly.

Mark only nods and continues to rub his back, soothing him from a pain that Jinyoung can’t seem to heal.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jaebum is such a nervous dad. He worries about every little thing. He goes to every check up and enrolled himself alongside his wife for lamaze classes. He’s a supportive father.

The rest pretend they’re all bored with his talks and every single ultrasound photo he shows them. But they’re only joking and are extremely excited. They’re all going to be uncles and it’s a really exciting time for all of them.

One night, after a round of barbecue dinner with just the seven of them since Jaebum’s wife is with her parents (her hormones were all over the place and Jaebum was getting on her nerves from too much worrying), Jinyoung finds himself walking back home alone with Jaebum. The rest left with schedules to attend to. Even Mark had some modelling shoot that late evening.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum asks him. Jinyoung only looks at him, puzzled as to why he asked that.

“We just haven’t talked in so long.” Jaebum explains.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jinyoung answers a little too fast.

Jaebum kicks a pebble as they walk. “Heard you and Mark were dating.”

“Was.” Jinyoung corrects.

“I’m so late to all of this.” Jaebum pouts.

Jinyoung chuckles. “It’s okay. You have a family now. It’s only right to focus on them.”

Jaebum stops walking. Jinyoung stops too and suddenly, Jaebum is hugging him tight. He’s shaking. Jinyoung is startled but only for a moment. He’s been with Jaebum long enough to know his every action. Like this. He rarely opens up to anyone else so Jinyoung knows he’s going through something.

Jinyoung circles his arms around him, rubbing a hand up and down his spine to comfort whatever he’s feeling.

“I’m scared.” Jaebum breathes in his shoulder. “I’m going to be a father and I’m so scared. What if I wreck things up?”

Jinyoung hugs him tighter. “You’re not.”

Jaebum pulls back to look at him. “How sure are you?”

“You raised all of us” Jinyoung points out referring to their whole group. Jaebum laughs, the sound making the tension in the air disappear.

“That’s different. I raised them all with you.”

Now that hurt. The pain in his gut starts again but Jinyoung smiles through it anyway.

“I’m sorry for being like this.” Jaebum apologizes. Jinyoung hits him on his arm lightly.

“Don’t be sorry.” Jinyoung then throws an arm around his neck like he always used to do whenever they get all sappy like this. “Get a hold of yourself. Your wife needs you.”

Jaebum nods. He then looks at Jinyoung and Jinyoung wishes the stars weren’t out tonight. Because they make Jaebum look so beautiful from where he’s standing as he smiles at him.

“Thanks Jinyoung.”

“For what, hyung?”

“For just being here.”

Jinyoung swallows hard at that.

“Always.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


It’s a girl. Jaebum’s wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl and Jaebum cries as he holds her in his arms the first time. 

Jinyoung cried too. So did the rest of them as she was being passed around. Mark was the only one trying to keep back his tears but it was no use. The moment was so beautiful and touching that all of them just couldn’t keep their emotions at bay.

Jinyoung holds her last before she’s taken away. He loves her already. She’s so tiny and precious. He always loved babies and now he’s carrying Jaebum’s own. 

Jaebum names her JinAe. Jaebum tells him he already named Jinyoung her godfather.

Jinyoung doesn’t go home that night. He’s at his favorite bar. He’s on his third glass when Jackson and Mark join him. They don’t say anything. They just drink with him and help bring him home afterwards.

 

* * *

  
  


Jinyoung works. He works harder than anyone else now. He doesn’t date. He doesn’t go to parties. He just works and signs himself up on several acting projects.

Before he realizes it, it’s been a year. They’ve celebrated Jaebum’s wedding anniversary. They’ve celebrated JinAe’s first birthday. Jinyoung loves her so much and is on Jaebum’s speed dial whenever he needs a babysitter. Jinyoung always gladly takes her under his care whenever he’s free.

It’s Youngjae’s birthday when they decide to head to the club in so long. Youngjae needed a break from being cooped up in his clinic and in front of the computer, and Yugyeom was itching to dance. So off to the club they went.

It’s a rare wild night out. Even Jinyoung was drinking and dancing. Jaebum was there too. He refused a drink. Everyone kept teasing him about dressing up like a dad. But he didn’t care. He was dancing with them too and everyone was having a grand time.

Jinyoung drinks a little too much to relax from all his shoots that he ends up flirting with some guy on the dance floor. The guy rakes his eyes up and down him approvingly and flirts back. It’s all fun and games until the guy winds an arm around Jinyoung’s waist that Jinyoung finally pushes him away.

The guy asks him what gives. He thought he was interested. Jinyoung says he wasn’t and moves away from him. The guy grabs his wrist hard and Jaebum is suddenly there, stepping in and telling the guy to back off. Thankfully, he does so and Jaebum ushers a drunk Jinyoung out of that club to return to their private booth they rented earlier. It’s empty now with everyone on the dancefloor. Jinyoung collapses on the couch as soon as they arrive.

“Thanks.” Jinyoung says, tongue heavy with the taste of alcohol he downed earlier. His thoughts are a little hazy now too. Sleep seems to be a good idea at the moment.

Jaebum just shoots him a worried look.

“I wasn’t being… I’m not stupid.” Jinyoung babbles, recalling the flirting incident.

“No, you’re not.” Jaebum says firmly.

“Good. I don’t want hyung to think that about me.”

Jaebum’s face softens. He sits beside him, cradling Jinyoung’s head so he can lift him and let his head rest on his lap. Jinyoung likes the way he runs his fingers through his hair. He revels in his touch and enjoys the moment.

“What am I going to do about you Jinyoung?” Jaebum sighs.

Jinyoung hums. “Why, hyung? Are you tired of me?”

“No. I just worry for you that’s all.” Jaebum says. “You work too much.”

“I have to.”

“Why?”

Jinyoung breathes. His thoughts are all fuzzy. Why did he decide to work so much again?

“So I can forget.” Jinyoung answers. “Working helps me forget.”

“Forget what?”

Jinyoung pauses. Maybe he should tell him

“So I can forget y-”

The door opens and Jinyoung sees Mark. He looks at the both of them and Jinyoung is too drunk to do or say anything to him.

“Did you check your phone?” Mark says to Jaebum. Apparently, Jaebum’s wife called each of them trying to get a hold of him. It turns out JinAe was running on a fever and Jaebum had to leave but not before looking at Jinyoung worriedly.

“It’s okay. I can take him home.” Mark offers. Jaebum runs his fingers one last time through Jinyoung’s hair before he leaves.

Mark helps Jinyoung in his car and drives him home. On the way, Jinyoung rouses from a dream. That he was in Jaebum’s lap and he was playing with his hair. That Jaebum told him he worries for him. That Jinyoung told him why he was working so hard. 

“Hyung,” Jinyoung says. “Does Jaebum hyung know?”

Mark looks at him for a moment. “About what?”

“That I love him.”

Mark tells him no. He stopped him just in time.

“Good.” Jinyoung closes his eyes again. “Good.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


Somehow, three years have passed. Jinyoung has a big movie out and everyone goes to the premiere. Jinyoung stands there with his co-actors on stage and his friends embarrass him by squealing out loudly. He hates them for it but he knows they’re all proud of him.

The movie is a hit. It’s up for an international premiere and Jinyoung’s manager gets him a spot to go with the cast overseas to promote. His manager is hopeful that he might even get him auditions to films in Hollywood.

“Go for it.” Jaebum tells him. They’re all at Jaebum’s house for dinner to help Jaebum babysit JinAe. She’s playing with Bambam and Jackson at the moment. Mark, Yugyeom and Youngjae are checking out Jaebum’s new game console while Jaebum and Jinyoung wash the dishes.

“It’s Hollywood, Jinyoung. You definitely have to do this.” Jaebum says. He’s been the most supportive of this huge breakthrough, going so far as to call up every connection he has in some companies in the U.S. to help him out.

“You’re not going to stop me?” Jinyoung playfully asks as he hands the dishes over to him.

“I’d miss you.”

Jinyoung’s heart skips. It’s been another three years and yet it still skips.

“I want you here.” Jaebum continues. “You’re a call away when I need you. But I know how much you’ve wanted this all your life.” Jaebum smiles. “Go.”

Jinyoung thanks him with a hug, throwing soap suds at him in the process which results to a mini water fight that has everyone joining in. 

He wouldn’t like to admit it but Jinyoung had hoped Jaebum would’ve wanted him to stay.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The move to Hollywood is a big decision that took a month to think about. It would mean moving there for a while so he can do auditions and practice his english even if Jackson insists he’s already a pro at speaking the language.

JYP is also backing him up. The company is so supportive of his move. They’ve learned of the several mistakes when they sent their artists overseas in the past that they’re determined not to mess up Jinyoung’s career.

The rest of the guys are just as supportive. They’re all saddened at having Jinyoung move far away from them but it’s not like they won’t get to see him anymore. They promote overseas from time to time so they’ll still meet up. But like Jaebum said, he won’t be a call away anymore which makes things sad.

Bambam throws a goodbye party for him even if he still has two weeks left. Jinyoung will be so busy packing that it was a good idea to hold the party earlier. It’s at Yugyeom’s place since his condo has a private pool they can use for the night. Jackson is in charge of the drinks, Youngjae and Jaebum are on the grill cooking up steaks, Mark brought cake, and Bambam is the resident DJ for the night. They didn’t let Jinyoung do anything since they know he’s busy and Jinyoung is thankful for that because all he wants that night is to chill.

The pool is heated and they all play around like they’re still in their early twenties. Bam’s playlist are a bunch of their old songs and they sing it loud, not minding one bit that their voices are cracking.

The steaks are gone fast. So is the cake. They drink a lot too and they’re all lounging by the side of the pool, too drunk and tipsy to do anything else. They’re all buzzed and they’re laughing and talking about anything under the stars.

Jinyoung is sitting on the edge, towel wrapped around his shoulders as he takes in the moment. He’s really going to miss them. It’s not going to be the same without them. Jinyoung knows how to make friends but he doubts he’ll have the same kind of friendship with anyone like what he has with the six of them. He grew up with them. It’s hard to say goodbye like this. 

Yugyeom is so drunk that he starts becoming sappy. “Jinyoung hyung is going to make it big. You guys watch. I said it first.”

“No, I said it first!” Jackson flicks water at him. “Remember? Back then! Our Got2days? I have proof! Youtube has it. Search it.”

Bambam nods. “Yeah, I think Jackson hyung said it first.”

Jinyoung laughs. “You guys, thanks. If I’ll make it, I’ll let you all know at once.”

“Me!” Jackson raises his hand like a kid wanting to recite in class. “It’s gotta be me. I have to know first. Right, Jinyoung?” Jackson pleads causing Mark to laugh.

“If it’s anyone on Jinyoung’s speed dial, it’s Jaebum hyung.” Youngjae says. “So hyung will know first and then he’ll tell us.”

Jaebum grins proudly at that while Yugyeom groans.

“Of course. It’s always Jaebum hyung first. That’s what you get when you’ve loved someone for so long.

Jinyoung’s jaw tightens as Yugyeom’s drunken giggles are the only sound filling the air. They’re all tipsy but they all caught that. Bambam and Youngjae exchange glances. Jackson is suddenly fascinated with his drink while Mark stares at the water. Jaebum looks at Yugyeom and then at Jinyoung who keeps his eyes trained on the ground.

“Wait, what?” Jaebum asks, his grin slowly fading. He shifts his gaze from Yugyeom who still looks buzzed, to Jinyoung who looks all sorts of guilty. “What did Yugyeom mean?”

They could salvage the moment. Jinyoung could only laugh and wave him off like what Yugyeom said didn’t mean anything. But no one says a word.

And Jinyoung feels… _light_. For some strange reason, he’s thankful no one’s trying to hide anything. He’s pretended for so long that he’s tired. His heart still aches for Jaebum. He still loves him. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s going away and never seeing him again anytime soon that has him brave enough to face the truth being spoken out loud.

“Jinyoung, what’s going on?” Jaebum asks. Jinyoung looks at him now and there’s nothing but apology in his eyes. He finds that he can’t deny it anymore. He’s drunk and still heartbroken, the latter he’s been feeling for more than twenty years. So he just looks at Jaebum in apology.

“Is this true?” Jaebum asks, enraged. Jinyoung should deny it now. There’s still time. But his mouth stays closed and there aren’t words coming from him.

Jaebum just looks at all of them, betrayal etched on his face.

None of them says anything as he gets out of the pool and leaves.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Jinyoung was always scared to imagine what it would be like if Jaebum found out about his secret. So he never really entertained the thought of it too much. Sometimes, when his mind slips, he ends up thinking about Jaebum forgiving him. He thinks about what he  _ wants  _ to happen. That Jaebum would say that it isn’t a big deal. That Jaebum was in love with him too. That they’d end up together and Jinyoung would be so so happy.

Then Jaebum got a girlfriend. He got engaged and got married. He had a daughter. And Jinyoung’s fantasy remains a fantasy and something he can’t even think about anymore because the thought of it just hurts.

But now that Jaebum knows for real, everything has somehow turned much worse. Jaebum hasn’t called him or talked to him. Jinyoung always tries to make the first move and call his number. But he always ends the call before it even goes through. Yugyeom has apologized and tried to have both of them talk. But Jaebum wouldn’t meet him and Jinyoung doesn’t want to push things. He understands why Jaebum is angry at him. They were friends first and friends don’t keep things from each other for more than twenty years.

Jinyoung is about to just visit him at his apartment when they finally cross paths at the company one day. Jaebum is walking down the hallway when he stops as he spots Jinyoung. Jinyoung stops in his tracks too, glad to finally see him. But even though Jaebum is there, Jinyoung still doesn’t know what to say that he ends up just standing there and looking at him.

Jaebum doesn’t seem so angry anymore. But the betrayal in his eyes are still there. Jinyoung finally musters up the courage to say something when they’re interrupted by their managers.

They both end up just passing by each other that day without a single word spoken between them.

 

* * *

 

He has a day left.

Jinyoung is up to his neck with everything he needs done before he leaves. There’s seeing his family for dinner that night. There’s fixing up the last minute recordings back at JYP. There’s packing all his stuff to bring. He has so much to do and he’s glad that he’s busy. It makes things bearable.

His friends try to help. Aside from Jaebum who still hasn’t spoken to him or contacted him, the rest help him with packing. Yugyeom is there helping him pack and apologizing every single day about what happened. Even though Jinyoung says it’s not his fault and that Jaebum was bound to know anyway, Yugyeom still thinks it’s his fault for messing the group up.

“It’s for the best, really.” Jinyoung explains as he has Yugyeom sit on one of his luggages so he can zip it close.

“You guys aren’t talking to each other though.” Yugyeom pouts. “I didn’t want that to happen.”

Jinyoung just ruffles his hair in reply.

The doorbell rings. Yugyeom gets up to answer it while Jinyoung fills another suitcase with clothes.

He comes back a minute later and this time, Jinyoung stops what he’s doing when he finds Jaebum behind him.

Jinyoung gives Yugyeom a look.

“I didn’t tell him to come here!” Yugyeom says at once. “Hyung came on his own. I swear!

“I did.” Jaebum says backing him up. “Can I talk to you?” Jaebum asks him.

Jinyoung nods, making room for him on his bed and clearing it off from all the clothes he laid out. Yugyeom shuts the door behind them leaving them both alone. 

In all the years they’ve been together, this is the most awkward things have been for them. Jinyoung hates it. He hates the uncomfortable silence between them. He hates that Jaebum takes a moment before he sits down on his bed. He hates that things have turned out like this. Especially now when Jaebum finally looks at him.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Jinyoung says.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re feeling sorry for me.”

“I’m not.”

Jinyoung decides to cut to the chase. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m trying to make sense of things.” Jaebum answers. 

Jinyoung just gives him a sad smile. “There’s no need to. I’m leaving. None of it will matter anymore.”

Jinyoung thought that would make things better for the two of them. For everything to be forgotten and left behind. He’d be doing them both a favor.

Instead, he’s surprised as Jaebum stands abruptly and looks at him with anger.

“What do you want me to do?”

Jinyoung is taken aback by that.

“Nothing.” He answers. “Nothing, hyung. I don’t need you to do anything.”

Jaebum shakes his head. He’s pacing the room now and Jinyoung doesn’t understand why he’s so angry all over again.

“You should’ve told me.” Jaebum says. “You should’ve told me how you felt.”

“And then what?” Jinyoung replies. “Try us out? What good would that have been?”

“So I would know!” Jaebum exclaims, facing him. “Not have my best friend lie to my face all these years!”

Jinyoung lowers his head at that. He thinks of those twenty years. Would he and Jaebum still be friends if he said he was in love with him? Would things still be the same if Jaebum knew? 

“It was hard for me too. It was hard falling in love with you knowing you didn’t bend the same way.” Jinyoung says.

“At least I would’ve known.” Jaebum replies.

“Would that have changed anything?” He asks.

“Yes!” Jaebum answers. “I wouldn’t have made you my best man! I wouldn’t have told you about all my girlfriends! I wouldn’t have told you everything about how I felt about my wife! Not the first dates. Not that time I made you help me propose. All that stuff. I wouldn’t have made you do any of it.”

Jinyoung looks at him then, saddened by his words.

“That’s the worst thing you could’ve done to me. You’re my best friend and you’d cut me off?”

As soon as he said it, Jinyoung realizes maybe that isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe, after everything they’ve been through, maybe they should cut each other off.

Jaebum clearly doesn’t know what to do as he walks over to Jinyoung and sinks to his knees.

“No. I didn’t mean that. Jinyoung, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s not too late though.” Jinyoung says and Jaebum shakes his head.

“No, Jinyoung. I don’t want…” Jaebum struggles for words to say and Jinyoung's heart hurts seeing him like this. He doesn’t want to be the cause for Jaebum to hurt like this.

Jaebum raises his face at him, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. He then pleads. “What do you want me to do? I love you. You know that. But it’s not the same way you do. And i’m so so sorry.”

“Hyung…” Jinyoung can’t help but choke back tears as Jaebum starts crying. He loves him so much and Jaebum doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve him.

“Jinyoung please.” Jaebum holds his hands. “Please tell me what you want me to do.”

It’s always been like this. They’d tell each other everything. They’d tell each other what to do when some kind of problem is in their way. And they’d always find a way to deal with it somehow. Together.

But this time, Jinyoung knows they can’t do this together. It’s not going to be like that anymore.

Jinyoung cups Jaebum’s face in his hands. Jaebum looks like he’s fifteen years old again and Jinyoung knows he has his whole life ahead of him. He has his family to spend the rest of his years with and Jinyoung truly wants that for him.

Jinyoung swipes his thumb across his tear stricken cheek.

“I want you to go home.” He starts. “I want you to go home to your wife. To your daughter.”

Jaebum closes his eyes and lowers his head, silently sobbing.

“I want you to be with them.” Jinyoung breathes. “I don’t want to see your face at the airport when I leave tomorrow. I don’t want your name on my phone calling me. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“You’re cutting me off.” Jaebum holds Jinyoung’s hands tighter, the realization dawning on him.

“I have to. Every single day I just love you more and more and it hurts.” Jinyoung sobs. “It hurts, hyung.”

Jaebum pulls Jinyoung to him and they’re both on the floor in each other’s arms sobbing. Jinyoung let’s Jaebum be the one to rub his back and tell him  _ it’s okay, it’s okay Jinyoung _ . And even though the pain of loving his best friend fills him again, he knows that somehow, it’s the truth. They’ll be okay. They have to be okay.

“I’m sorry.” Jaebum apologizes, hugging him tight. Jinyoung can only nod.

“I’m sorry it had to be you.”

Jaebum leaves when all is said and done.

Yugyeom finds Jinyoung all curled up on the floor minutes later and holds him as he continues to cry.

  
  


* * *

  
  


There’s something about leaving home that tugs at your heartstrings. Jinyoung knows he’ll be back in a few years time. But he’s already feeling homesick as he drags his luggage to the airport’s entrance.

He hasn’t regretted anything. Not debuting as a duo. As an actor. As part of a 7 member boy group. If Jinyoung could turn back time, he’d still do the same things all over again. Even meeting Jaebum and introducing himself to him during auditions.

Jinyoung stops before he could enter and turns around to bid his friends goodbye one last time. They insisted in seeing him leave. Yugyeom’s eyes are red as he throws his arms around Jinyoung. Jackson fakes bawling out loud but Jinyoung knows he has tears in his eyes as he turns around to wipe them off afterwards. Bambam and Youngjae wish him a safe trip and to promise them that he’d be in the group chat frequently. Mark gives him a tight hug and wishes him all the best.

“Jaebum hyung’s not coming?” Bambam wonders out loud causing Yugyeom to elbow him on the side. Jinyoung smiles at that.

“I told him not to. And I’d appreciate it if you guys don’t set up anything for the both of us. We agreed not to see each other anyway.”

They all understand.

“You’re going to be alright.” Mark assures him. Somehow, Jinyoung believes this.

Last round of goodbyes are said and Jinyoung takes his suitcase to leave. But before he can do so, he hears his name being shouted behind him. He turns around to see Jaebum running towards them with JinAe in his arms.

Jaebum pants as he reaches them. JinAe squeals out loudly, arms stretched out to hug Jinyoung. Jinyoung’s heart melts at that and he instantly scoops the little girl in his arms.

“She wanted to see you.” Jaebum says, breathlessly. “I… I wanted to see you.”

Jinyoung lets Bambam take JinAe from him afterwards as they all let him and Jaebum talk.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung starts but Jaebum interrupts.

“Don’t cut me off.” He says. “I know it’s the only way for things to be better but please don’t.”

“I don’t want to.” Jinyoung smiles. “But I think I have to do it for now.”

“For now then. But not forever. Please Jinyoung.” Jaebum pleads. “All of the guys are important to me and so are you. Don’t do this to us.”

Us. Jinyoung knows what he means. His friendship with Jaebum were the best years in his life. In all honesty, he can’t seem to imagine cutting off Jaebum completely even if he has to. The guy has been there always, by his side, supporting him from the back.. He’s his friend first.

“For now.” Jinyoung ends up promises. It’s not a weak decision. He won’t call him. He won’t text him. Jaebum promises the same thing. But his line is open, should Jinyoung ever feel the need to do so. Not so soon. Maybe someday.

“You’re going to make it big out there.” Jaebum says to him. “I know you will.”

“Thank you, hyung.” Jinyoung believes in him.

He gives them all one last goodbye, planting a kiss on JinAe’s cheek and letting Jaebum give him one last hug.

And then he leaves. He doesn’t turn back.

Jinyoung thinks he’s ready for a new start.


End file.
